This guide will tell you how to increase system power by almost 10 times!!!!
Here, I've taken a 486/88 MHz machine, and turned it into a high powered super computer. I learned these tricks from years of experience. Soon you will see how to turn a piece of junk into a 9000 MHz dream computer.
Fig. 1. A basic 486 running at 88MHz
Step 1. Colored lights
By altering the colour of your LED's you're sure to pull in at least 50 more MHz. Be sure to use a colour that is not normally used for computer LED's. Here, I've changed mine to blue. This indicates to other computer users that your system has been modified. Watch out!!!
Fig. 1a. Those blue LED's indicate speed!!!
Step 2. Paint Job
Everybody knows a good paint job will add at least 175 MHz. The crazier and uglier you paint it, the faster it goes!!! Be sure to add some pinstriping, metal fleck, and 2-tone it if you can (as I've done here with the green/purple combination) My machines goes almost 250 MHz faster because I added the custom checkerboard flag design.
Fig. 2a. Custom paint
Here we see a close up of my pimpin' pinstripes.
Fig. 2b Take a close look at that radical pimp-striping!!!
Step 3. Fart Pipe(s)
To grab that added performance out of your cooling fan, be sure to add an enormous fart pipe. With this small performance option, you can take your machine well into the next level of computer processing. Please note, it will be extremely loud, but isn't all that extra speed worth it? Here I've gained close to 1000 MHz of power, and over 800 decibels of sound. Whoa!!!
Fig. 3b. You can add 2 pipes, even if your computer only has one cooling fan. No one will know the difference!
Step 4. Performance Stickers
Scientists have not proven how or why adding stickers to the side of your machine will enhance your performance, but IT WORKS!!! Dont feel restricted to use stickers of performance parts that you have/use. Notice I have Intel, AMD, Motorola, AND SGI stickers on the side of this beauty!!! The MHz power gain is now off the charts because of my well placed NOS (nitros oxide systems) sticker!!!
Fig. 4a. Look how much faster it goes with all those stickers!!!!
Step 5. Monitor Blocker
Here is a tip that not many people know about: The view blocker. Apply a logo of your make and model of monitor (no matter how crappy) across the top 1/2 to top 3/4 of your monitor screen. This is where you really customize your computer by giving it a powerful, yet thought provoking name like, "Teal Dreem" or "No Limits". This will really let the other computer users in your office KNOW that you have one fast machine. Here I've named mine "Ridiculous Illusions" powered by Goldstar.
Fig. 5a. Your visibility may be hindered, but no one will mess with you now!!!
Step 6. Giant Fin / Spoiler
Now for the real performance booster. Not only will this mod increase MHz, but it will completely optimize memory usage AND hard disk space. Construct your fin / spoiler out of anything from cardboard to pig iron. Here, I've used some heavy steel- you should see me crunch the numbers!!!
Fig. 6a. That wing could stabilise anything!
Fig. 6b. Close up of my stainless steel spoiler.
NOTE: Actual performance gains may vary. Total modification on this system was greater than -250 mhz. The fart pipes reduced cooling fan performance by 50%. Our custom spoiler not only made the system unmovable, but caused the monitor to over heat. Modify at your own risk.
Please note that this page was sent to me on e-mail by a friend. I don't know the person who first made this document up. If it was you, then I will credit you / remove the page. Its up to you. Thanks for making me smile =) If anyone else has something they want submitted, please contact me.
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